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Secrets and Lives
" " is the thirteenth episode and Season One finale of Better Off Ted. It originally aired August 11, 2009. ABC Episode Synopsis What do you do when your secret life comes back to haunt you? Ask Veronica, and she'll tell you it sucks. As we find out, Veridian Dynamics' resident ice queen has a soft side (gasp!) that soon has the whole company ridiculing her. It all starts during an innocent meeting where Ted, Lem and Phil discuss a new search engine they're developing. Instead of being text-based, it would be capable of finding pictures of someone all over the web based off their scanned image. Linda, like any privacy-loving person, is ill at ease with this. But hey, it's Linda, so they completely ignore her. Ted uses Veronica's photo to test the search engine. She is fiendishly delighted at all the images of her on the web until a rather scandalous one appears where she's wearing — well, let's just say her attire is less than business casual. As the whole room turns to her for an explanation, we see Veronica make a mad dash out. Ted corners Veronica and find's out that she is apparently a magician's assistant for Mordor the Unforgiving. She's in love with Mordor, and flies out every other weekend to Vegas perform on stage with him. Unable to take the ribbing from her subordinates, Veronica decides to quit the magic act and hopes that Mordor the Unforgiving, uh, forgives her. In the meantime, we watch as Phil happens to find a guy by the name of Byron McNertny on the search engine who looks exactly like him in every way, but is a bull rider and a total stud muffin with the ladies. Upset over his doppelganger's seemingly awesome life, Phil and Lem surmise that if Phil starts exuding confidence, he can McNertny-ize himself. Of course, things go less than swimmingly. It turns out that the first hot girl Phil hits on has a gym bunny for a boyfriend, and a beating ensues. But despite Lem's indignation on his behalf, Phil is thrilled to have actually been a threat to a hot girl's boyfriend. That's the spirit! But we haven't forgotten about Ted. Well-meaning Linda wants him to be happy, so she takes the liberty of setting him up with her veterinarian friend, Rebecca. They hit it off and set up a date. Meanwhile, Struggling to cope with her choice of Veridian over magic, Veronica relieves stress by slapping male employees whenever they annoy her — which, we find, is quite often. Ted, trying to defuse potential lawsuits, tells Veronica that her new penchant for slapping is not so appreciated. Ted then speaks with Mordor, who happens to be in town for a big performance. But the magician refuses to talk to Veronica, feeling that she abandoned him, just like his pet rabbit and his mother did. Therapy? Mordor takes her back, however, when Ted finally convinces Veronica to do what she loves and go back for one last magic show. Veronica's underlings all get wind of it and show up to make fun of her. But Veronica and Mordor dazzle the crowd and win a newfound respect from the Veridian crew. Eventually, Ted and Rebecca go on their date, and Linda is a little miffed at her friend's indifference toward Ted. Rebecca then figures out what we've known for quite a while: Linda's in love with Ted. Linda finally realizes that she wants to be with Ted, but he is now smitten with Rebecca and wants to continue seeing her. What's a girl to do? Guess we'll have to wait till next season to find out! Cast * Jay Harrington as Ted Crisp * Portia de Rossi as Veronica Palmer * Andrea Anders as Linda Zwordling * Jonathan Slavin as Phil Mymen * Malcolm Barrett as Lem Hewitt * Isabella Acres as Rose Crisp * Mark Deklin as Mordor * Maz Jobrani as Dr. Bhamba * Jennifer Landa as Kristi * Rachelle Lefevre as Rebecca * Brady Matthews as Steve * Bill Parks as Ernie * Stanley Ullman as Coffee Cart Guy * Jonna Kae Volz as Verionica's secretary * Shantel Wislawski as Sabrina R&D Products Trivia The name of Phil's lookalike "Byron" is also the name of a character that Jonathan Slavin played in the sitcom Andy Richter Controls the Universe. Quotes Images SaL Promo 1.jpg SaL Promo 2.jpg SaL Promo 3.jpg Mordor 1.jpg SaL Promo 5.jpg SaL Promo 6.jpg SaL Promo 7.jpg Category:Episodes